Photograph by The Good Funeral Guide via Unsplash
Rev. Dr. Robert W. Lee
My wife and I have taken to using the phrase often quoted in the Jewish tradition — “May their memory be a blessing” — when someone dies. The phrase is taken from Proverbs 10:7 and is a reminder that the memories we cherish are both a gift from God and caught in the stream of the past. We owe a debt to our memories, and the way we remember people for good or for ill is part of the way grace is expressed in our lives. It also points to the eternal aspect of God’s kingdom coming to earth, as being remembered after death is a way for our ephemeral lives to go on after our earthly existence. There is such mercy and goodness in a memory that is a blessing. Yet blessings can feel standoffish at times.
Consider the first year after losing someone close to you. There can be moments where you are harkened back to that person as if they were still sitting beside you as you drink your cup of coffee. There might be a point of time where it feels like you might never move on from the loss and overwhelming grief you feel, as if there is a deep chasm between you and the rest of the world that has moved on beyond the loss you are experiencing. These very real realities show us that memories turning to a blessing may take more work than we might have hoped. But the work is most certainly worth the effort.
I have felt blessing despite my loss. I have felt blessing in tandem with my loss. The goodness of God is not withheld in our grief; in fact, I’m starting to believe it might be magnified.
In my own life I experienced a great loss in the past year, and I feel my body and mind turning to the one-year anniversary of that loss approaching with unnerving speed. Yet I also have felt blessing this year. I have felt blessing despite my loss. I have felt blessing in tandem with my loss. The goodness of God is not withheld in our grief; in fact, I’m starting to believe it might be magnified. After all, we know that Jesus himself wept at the grave of his friend Lazarus. That’s one of the things I love most about Jesus — he is as identifiable as he is unknowable. He is the Lord of the Cosmos who was there when the earth was hung upon the waters, and he died hung upon a cross. I’ve always thought Joan Osborne’s song “One of Us” a bit funny when it asks, “What if God was one of us? Just a stranger on a bus…” The great gift of our faith is that we know Jesus was one of us so that he might identify with our triumphs along with our pain.
I don’t know what lies ahead in my life or the course it will take. I know there will be moments of great joy and moments of deep grief. Yet through it all I am assured that it’s all grace. It’s all evidence that God desires proximity more than anything. God will stop at nothing to take what we are experiencing into a promise of God’s presence. It’s a blessing — and it’s one we can count on.
The Rev. Dr. Robert W. Lee is an American Baptist minister and author of six books. He has preached across the world, written for all kinds of media outlets, and appeared on television on CNN, MTV, and ABC’s “The View.” Visit his website at www.roblee4.com to connect with him.
The views expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of American Baptist Home Mission Societies.
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