What do you want your legacy to be?
Photograph by Lindy Maio via Unsplash
Rev. John Zehring
In a clergy group I used to attend, one young gifted pastor of a thriving large city church was sharing some thoughts he had, and wondered what his legacy at the church would be. Those of us who were a little more experienced didn’t say anything. We didn’t want to burst his bubble, but I think we all sensed that most clergy don’t leave much of a legacy. As soon as you are gone, the congregation is enthusiastic about the new pastor and you are history. After a few years, your name disappears from the church. My friend has left that church after a couple decades of service and, out of curiosity, I looked at the church’s website to see if it noted anything about him. A search yielded “no results found.” There are some people, of course, who remember their former pastor for a long time, but for the most part when you’re gone, you’re gone. I wonder if this is the way it is for all jobs, careers, professions, and vocations. I have known many people who devoted themselves completely to their work, and when they left, the work was carried on by another. Was all their devotion worth it? I suppose so, if they loved what they were doing. For others, it took a toll on family, relationships, health, and their own balance of life. At their funerals, their lifetime work is lucky to merit a sentence or two.
What would you like your legacy to be? How would you like to be remembered? What is likely to be spoken about at your funeral? If you have attended many funerals or celebrations of life, perhaps you have spotted a pattern. Most time is devoted to talking about a person’s family and friends, who they loved, their character and qualities as a person, how they treated people, a little bit about their background, and their loves. As a pastor, when I met with families to discuss the person’s funeral service, I would ask “tell me about their loves.” That question opened a floodgate and, in many ways, defined the person’s passions and interests. Their loves included their memberships and activities as well as their pets, hobbies, travel, vacations, sports teams, volunteer work, and how they spent their quality time. It would be my guess that a person’s family, friends, and loves merited ten times the mention of their work career. Perhaps that is their legacy.
Another question I ask the family when preparing a person’s service is “What adjectives would you use to describe the person?” Family members start to name one after another until it snowballs into a composite picture of the person they are remembering, with words like selfless, caring, compassionate, kind, loving, patient, understanding, funny, honest, and giving. I have witnessed how many speak of another for the way they make others feel and how they treat those around them.
What would you like your legacy to be? How would you like to be remembered? What is likely to be spoken about at your funeral?
Once I had the opportunity to share lunch with a friend who was well-known. A major city newspaper featured a front-page sectional story about him and called him a Renaissance man. He had a play running in New York City and a musical playing in Europe. He had CDs of his music, a book by Harvard University Press, two doctorate degrees, walls of awards, and shelves of recognition. Over our lunch at a Chinese restaurant, I was curious and asked him: What do you want your legacy to be? In light of all your achievements, what do you want to be known for? How do you want to be remembered? I will never forget his answer. It changed me. He answered, “I just want to be a good person.” At first that sounded underwhelming. As I thought about it, I realized how profound it was. What if everyone just wanted to be a good person? That goal could shape our lives. At his funeral, one after another came forward to tell, not about his achievements and accomplishments, but about how his goodness influenced their lives.
Another question I asked families as we prepared the service is “Was s/he a person of faith?” The answers ranged from a pregnant pause to instant affirmation. How they answered, or based on what I knew about the person, changed how I concluded their celebration of life. The Book of Proverbs says, “The memory of the righteous is a blessing…” (Proverbs 10:7). Every life is worthy to be celebrated, but a person who loved and served God and God’s children is celebrated in a different way. Jesus said, “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness…” (Matthew 6:33). The person who sought first God’s kingdom and righteousness leaves a spiritual legacy.
Martin Luther King, Jr. knew what he wanted his legacy to be. He stated it so clearly that a recording of how he wanted to be remembered was played in his voice at his funeral: “I’d like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others.” Serving others was the reason Jesus said he came: “whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant... For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43, 45).
We can invest so much of our life trying to be somebody, to be successful, to be recognized, to accomplish, achieve, to do something worthy of being our legacy, when the highest and best legacy is to be a good person, to serve others, and to love and be loved. Perhaps an important question that should guide our daily life is “how do I want to be remembered?”
Rev. John Zehring worked in higher education for a couple decades and then served United Church of Christ congregations as a pastor in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Maine. He is the author of dozens of books. His most recent book from Judson Press is “Get Your Church Ready to Grow: A Guide to Building Attendance and Participation.”
The views expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of American Baptist Home Mission Societies.
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