The unexpected gift of ADHD
Photograph by Alonso Reyes via Unsplash
Nathan Perrin
I ministered in a very small town before my current role. When I say small, I’m talking small. The church was in a township of 35 people in rural Wisconsin. And, in true Wisconsin fashion, I was closer to a cheese factory than I was to a town. Expectations were fairly loose for me in this first pastorate. I didn’t keep office hours, for instance, since I was expected to be out and about in the community and visiting folks.
When I transitioned from that environment to my current role in Chicagoland, it became increasingly clear that there was some sort of struggle for me to adjust to concepts like office hours and regular reports to a board. On paper, I understood – but then I realized that there was something more going on.
Then, I got the diagnosis of ADHD in my late twenties. When I first got the diagnosis, I thought it was maybe an exaggeration because I was able to get a master’s degree and do board work for other nonprofits – but then I really looked at my own life. There were seasons where I had the exact same thing for dinner every night for months because it’s all I wanted (I’m going through a very specific soup phase right now). I dropped out of high school my sophomore year because I thought I partied too hard. I had a glowing GPA of 0.5 and 4.5 credits. I ended up finishing high school through an alternative night school program in two and a half months and really thought nothing of it. I just thought I hated school (which is hilarious in hindsight, as I am working on my doctoral thesis now).
Most of my friends at that time were academics, and most of those were neurodivergent in some way. Their behaviors and patterns mimicked mine. During this strange season of discovery, I also was in the recovery world as part of my treatment for PTSD. Twelve-step recovery added a much-needed padding and structure that help me with my ADHD. My mornings mainly consist of me waking up, reading my spiritual meditations and the Bible, and going to an open AA meeting that is focused on centering prayer.
However, my own ADHD quirks come with big ideas and wanting to address all the injustices in the world. Being neurodivergent helped me become a more empathetic person with passion, and to have an extremely vivid imagination about endless solutions. I eventually realized that I needed practical help on top of therapy, because I started to feel overwhelmed by all the causes I wanted to be involved in and all the creative projects I wanted to begin. I started a course of ADHD coaching.
I share this side of myself because of the many ways the creativity that comes with my ADHD has benefited my ministry. I have a seemingly endless well of curiosity and vision, and I can credit that only to God and the way my brain’s wired.
One of the things my coach gently pulls me back into is focusing on my calling whenever a new political crisis happens, because one of my first urges is to get more involved in social justice work. It’s been grounding to realize that, with ADHD, I have a desperate desire to see the world change for good – and I can imagine a better place. However, I must continue to pace myself and remind myself that no one person has the energy to do all the good. I now have a phrase from my coach on a sticky note on my work monitor: “The need is not the call. The call is the call.”
As a pastor, I have chosen to be open about this side of my life because I didn’t feel like I could authentically minister to people while keeping this hidden. I have the same policy about my twelve-step recovery, which is deeply ingrained in my spirituality. Besides, it’s not like I can really hide it. My adjustment period from rural Wisconsin to a more professional setting had many moments that showed I had a huge growth curve ahead of me.
But I also share this side of myself because of the many ways the creativity that comes with my ADHD has benefited my ministry. I have a seemingly endless well of curiosity and vision, and I can credit that only to God and the way my brain’s wired.
This is not to say that I’m without struggles as a neurodivergent person. There are several ways I am disabled. If my PTSD is particularly activated, my memory is even worse. There are some days where I struggle to remember someone’s name after knowing them for years. When I am stressed, I also struggle to remember the right words to say – not right as in “appropriate,” but literally the correct descriptive words about things I want to convey. There are also times when I look at instructions on paper and can’t seem to understand them, and that’s how I know I must be stressed or anxious. I also keep my camera off on Zoom meetings at night because I need to “stim” to pay attention and I have no energy to mask.
While these things have drastically improved with treatment, I still deal with them on smaller levels and find myself having to be gentle with myself for having a brain that, despite all the gifts it has, still struggles with functioning if I’m not taking good care of myself spiritually and emotionally, or if I’m triggered.
Would I give up ADHD ultimately though? Honestly, and this isn’t spiritual bypassing of the issue, I think having a brain like mine has made life feel more special and real. The creativity and pure, almost childlike, joy I feel about people and the world came with ADHD. As more parts of the Church seek to become more inclusive, we must remember neurodivergent folks, who may feel they have no traditional role in a church setting. I hope my presence as a pastor helps to show them that there is space at the table for all people who want to experience grace.
Nathan Perrin (he/him/his) is a writer and Anabaptist pastor in Chicagoland. He holds an MA in Quaker Studies and is a doctoral student studying Christian Community Development at Northern Seminary. His doctorate work centers on creating a writing program for nonprofits and churches to use to help under-resourced communities process trauma. His work has been published in the Dillydoun Review, Bangalore Review, Collateral Journal, Esoterica Magazine, etc. His forthcoming novella Memories of Green Rivers will be released in 2026 by Running Wild Press. He is also a screenwriter. For more information, visit www.nathanperrinwriter.com
The views expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of American Baptist Home Mission Societies.
Get early access to the newest stories from Christian Citizen writers, receive contextual stories which support Christian Citizen content from the world’s top publications and join a community sharing the latest in justice, mercy and faith.