Letting go as a spiritual practice
Photograph by Максим Степаненко via Unsplash
Rev. Margaret Marcuson
Do you feel life is swirling around you? The world? Your work?
Someone asked me recently, “How is letting go a spiritual practice?” I said, “You recognize it’s not all up to you. You are not the only way God’s work will be done.”
Or it may be the other way around. Consistent spiritual practice helps you let go. It helps you discern what is yours to do. And where to leave room for others — and for the work of the Spirit.
Many good clergy and church leader types have a strong sense of obligation. We think if we don’t do it, it’s not going to get done. If we set down the burden, no one will pick it up. And we’re frustrated about everything that we can’t control.
A friend of mine once took a trip to Kauai, Hawaii. He took an inner tube ride down the Waimea Ditch irrigation canal. You couldn’t control the giant inner tube. You had to let it spin around and go with the flow. My friend said once he let go, he enjoyed it. He said, “It’s a perfect example of realizing what you cannot control and simply letting go and trusting.”
Letting go and trusting. We all face times when we have to let go and let things be what they are. It’s not fun. My heart sinks regularly when I hear the news. Maybe yours does, too. That global news ride isn’t a Hawaii inner tube ride. But it spins us all around. Can you sit back instead of tensing up and thinking “What’s going to happen now?”
Letting go and trusting. We all face times when we have to let go and let things be what they are.
Going with the flow is not my greatest strength. However, instead of trying to control everything (impossible!), I’m learning to get clear:
Get clear on what I think.
Get clear on what is mine to do.
Get clear on what I need to let go of.
Letting go in relationships
It’s all well and good to let go of global realities we can’t control. It’s harder to let go with the people we work with. Or those we live with.
Everyone has a relationship with someone who has a different point of view. Even if you agree religiously or politically, you don’t agree on music in worship. Or how often to do the dishes.
It’s work for me to let others have their own preferences and priorities. Spiritual teacher Anthony De Mello advised the following posture toward others: “I leave you free to be yourself: to think your thoughts, indulge your tastes, follow your inclinations, and behave in ways that you decide are to your liking.”[i] (So…it’s really OK that my husband loves silly cat videos…)
We begin to let go of control. We leave others free to be themselves. That does not mean anything goes. Life in a family, a church, or in any organization means there has to be some structure and accountability.
In an organization, at times you have to say, “Please don’t act like that here.” But you can do it out of your own clarity. You don’t pressure others to be different. You are clear about what you will and won’t do or put up with. You understand the choices that may mean for you and for others. “If you want to keep this job, you will need to….” “I am only going to respond to texts until 6:00 p.m.”
Focus on yourself and your own goals, and on how you manage your thoughts and emotions. It is not selfish. A calm, centered self, prepared to take on challenges, is the biggest gift you can give to those around you — and to the world at large.
Rev. Margaret Marcuson is an American Baptist minister and author of several books: “Leaders Who Last,” “Money and Your Ministry,” and “Sustainable Ministry”(forthcoming).
The views expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of American Baptist Home Mission Societies.
[i] De Mello, Anthony. The Way to Love: Meditations for Life. New York: Image Books, 2012, p. 26.
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