When grief turns to gratitude
Photograph by Moe Magners via Pexels
Rev. Dr. Robert W. Lee
My grandmother died in December, and frankly, it shook my world in ways I am still processing. Nana was what some call a “third wheel parent,” constantly tagging along with our family throughout the years and lending a helping hand in my parents’ raising of me. I would return the favor and become one of her principal caretakers in her later years. In losing her I had to reckon with being on the other side of the proverbial desk and receive pastoral care, support, and encouragement in my loss. Grief is so complex and complicated. Grief is so full and abundant in the worst way. It has felt like I have been a shadow of myself in the almost six months since her death.
Nana was many things, but one thing she was most proud of was her service as president of the North Carolina Garden Club from 1987-1989. She had been incredibly active in that organization since before anyone could remember, and she even welcomed the Princess Royal, Her Royal Highness, Princess Anne to North Carolina at the Elizabethan Gardens. The stories I heard from her service in that organization were epic. So naturally, I wrote a letter to the organization informing them of her death. They responded in ways that showed the depth of their ability to care along with the magnitude of Nana’s service to the organization.
If your season is a night of weeping, hold on a bit longer — the weeping that endures for the night will surely turn to joy. Your grief will turn to gratitude if you tend it.
This past week, my family attended the state meeting of the North Carolina Garden Club where a proclamation was read, lunch was served, and Nana was remembered. It was in that moment that my grief was transformed to gratitude — as all grief should be. Grief is malleable, and it can be changed into the reality it should look like. That isn’t to say it’s an easy task that comes naturally. Transforming grief into a blessing takes work. But if we’re honest with ourselves, we have the perfect example of turning sadness into dancing. Scripture is full of those who have known the darkness that has no end. Yet Scripture offers prescriptions and examples of ways that we can change the heart full of tears into a heart of thanksgiving. Jesus, the ultimate example of this, stood in solidarity with us in his earthly life and stands in solidarity with us now.
I gave remarks on behalf of our family to the state Garden Club and I quoted my favorite poem of Galway Kinnell’s, where he writes, “Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness.” The loveliness we have forgotten in our all-consuming grief will return to us again. Or as Emily Scott Robinson says in her song, The Time for Flowers, “The time for flowers will come again — maybe in one year, maybe in ten. There are days despair will win, but the time for flowers will come again.” I’m so thankful that we have a God who can turn and change and morph those things that feel immovable. I’m grateful that grief turns to gratitude as the flowers bloom or the leaves fall. We were meant to see beyond the present moment and see the sun rising. If your season is a night of weeping, hold on a bit longer — the weeping that endures for the night will surely turn to joy. Your grief will turn to gratitude if you tend it.
The Rev. Dr. Robert W. Lee is an American Baptist minister and author of six books. He has preached across the world, written for all kinds of media outlets, and appeared on television on CNN, MTV, and ABC’s The View. Visit his website at www.roblee4.com to connect with him.
The views expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of American Baptist Home Mission Societies.
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